Inventory-taking isn’t always done in red ink. It’s a rare day when we haven’t done something right. As I uncover and face my shortcomings, my many good qualities will be revealed to me also, reminding me that they have the same reality as my faults. Even when we’ve tried hard and failed, for instance, we …
It’s often said that you can’t tell a book by its cover. For many of us, our covers or surface records haven’t looked all that bad; it seemed at first, that making an inventory would be a breeze. As we proceeded, we were dismayed to discover that our covers were relatively blemish-free only because we’d deeply buried our defects beneath layers …
Step Four enables me to see myself as I really am—my characteristics, motives, attitudes, and behaviors. I’m taught in Gamblers Anonymous to search out my mistakes resolutely. Where, for example, had I been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? I’m taught, also, that my deeply rooted habit of self-justification may tempt me to explain away each fault as …
The Gamblers Anonymous Program’s Fourth Step suggests that we make a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves. For some of us, no challenge seems more formidable; there’s nothing more difficult than facing ourselves as we really are. We flee from one wrongdoing after another as they catch up with us, forever making …
Someone once inquired of a Zen master, How do you maintain such serenity and peace? He replied, I never leave my place of meditation. Although he meditated early in the morning, for the rest of the day he carried the peace of those moments with him. Being quiet, slowing down, is one of the most difficult tasks facing most …
When I dwell on piddling things that annoy me—and they sprout resentments that grow bigger and bigger like weeds—I forget how I could be stretching my world and broadening my outlook. For me, that’s an ideal way to shrink troubles down to their real size. When somebody or something is causing me trouble, I should …
We’ve been our own worst enemies most of our lives, and we’ve often injured ourselves seriously as a result of a justified resentment over a slight wrong. Doubtless there are many causes for resentment in the world, most of them providing justification. But we can never begin to settle all the world’s grievances or even arrange things so as …
On numerous occasions, I’ve found that there’s a strong connection between my fears and my resentments. If I secretly fear that I’m inadequate, for example, I’ll tend to resent deeply anybody whose actions or words expose my imagined inadequacy. But it’s usually too painful to admit that my own fears and doubts about myself are …
As a recovering compulsive gambler, I have to remind myself that no amount of social acceptance of resentments will take the poison out of them. In a way, the problem of resentments is very much like the gambling problem. A poker game or casino is never safe for me. I’ve attended benefits for worthy causes, …
What can we do about our resentments? Experience has shown that the best thing to do is to write them down, listing people, institutions, or principles that are objects of our anger or resentment. When I write down my resentments and then ask myself why I’m resentful, I’ve discovered that in most cases my self-esteem, …