On numerous occasions, I’ve found that there’s a strong connection between my fears and my resentments. If I secretly fear that I’m inadequate, for example, I’ll tend to resent deeply anybody whose actions or words expose my imagined inadequacy. But it’s usually too painful to admit that my own fears and doubts about myself are …
As a recovering compulsive gambler, I have to remind myself that no amount of social acceptance of resentments will take the poison out of them. In a way, the problem of resentments is very much like the gambling problem. A poker game or casino is never safe for me. I’ve attended benefits for worthy causes, …
What can we do about our resentments? Experience has shown that the best thing to do is to write them down, listing people, institutions, or principles that are objects of our anger or resentment. When I write down my resentments and then ask myself why I’m resentful, I’ve discovered that in most cases my self-esteem, …
Sometimes through bitter experience and painful lessons, we learn in our fellowship with others in Gamblers Anonymous that resentment is our number one enemy. It destroys more of us than anything else. From resentment stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we’ve been not only mentally and physically ill, but spiritually ill as well. As …
Among the important things we learn in Gamblers Anonymous is to be good to ourselves. For so many of us, though, this is a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Some of us relish our suffering so much that we balloon each happening to enormous proportions in the reliving and telling. Self-pitiers are drawn to martyrdom …
One of the best ways to get out of the self-pity trap is to do some instant bookkeeping. For every entry of misery on the debit side of our ledger, we can surely find a blessing to mark on the credit side: the health we enjoy, the illnesses we don’t have, the friends who love us and …
The Twelve Steps were designed specifically for people like us—as a short cut to God. The Steps are very much like strong medicine that can heal us of the sickness of despair, frustration, and self-pity. Yet we’re sometimes unwilling to use the Steps. Why? Perhaps because we have a deep-down desire for martyrdom. Consciously and …
When I begin to compare my life with the lives of others, I’ve begun to move toward the edge of the murky swamp of self-pity. On the other hand, if I feel that what I’m doing is right and good, I won’t be so dependent on the admiration or approval of others. Applause is well …
Self-pity is one of the most miserable and consuming defects I know. Because of its interminable demands for attention and sympathy, my self-pity cuts off my communication with others, especially communication with my Higher Power. When I look at it that way, I realize that self-pity limits my spiritual progress. It’s also a very real …
One of the most serious consequences of the me-me-me syndrome is that we lose touch with practically everyone around us—not to mention reality itself. The essence of self-pity is total self-absorption, and it feeds on itself. Rather than ignore such an emotional state—or deny that we’re in it—we need to pull out of our self-absorption, …