The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image, wrote Thomas Merton. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. As I replace my self-destructive addiction with a healthy dependence on the Gamblers Anonymous Program and its Twelve Steps, I’m …
In the process of learning to love myself and, in turn, to love others freely with no strings attached, I’ve begun to understand these words of St. Augustine: Love slays what we have been, that we may be what we were not. More and more, I feel the enormous power of such love in the Gamblers Anonymous …
Slowly, but surely, I’m becoming able to accept other people’s faults as well as their virtues. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is teaching me to always love the best in others—and never fear their worst. This is hardly an easy transition from my old way of thinking, but I’m beginning to see that all people—including me—are to some …
Giving love is a fulfillment in itself. It must not matter whether love is returned or not. If I give love only to get a response on my terms, my love is canceled out by my motives. If I have the capacity to give love, then any return I get for it is a special …
Since I’ve been in Gamblers Anonymous, I’ve learned to redefine love. I’ve come to understand, for example, that sometimes it’s necessary to place love ahead of indiscriminate factual honesty. No longer, under the guise of perfect honesty, can I cruelly and unnecessarily hurt others. Today, I must always ask myself, What’s the best and most loving thing I can do? …
When we first reached Gamblers Anonymous and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was exhilarating. We felt that the problem of isolation had been solved. We soon discovered however, that while we weren’t alone anymore in a social sense, we still suffered many …
We’ve all had times when we felt alienated, when it seemed we had nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. When we don’t know which way to turn, when there seems to be no one to help us, even then we’re not alone or without help; the presence of God is always with …
When I have only myself to talk to, the conversation gets sort of one-sided. Trying to talk myself out of a small wager or just one hand is like trying self-hypnosis. It simply doesn’t work; most of the time, it’s about as effective as trying to talk myself out of a case of flu. When my heart is heavy …
I know today that I no longer have to proceed on my own. I’ve learned that it’s safer, more sensible, and surer to move forward with friends who are going in the same direction as I. None of us need feel shame at using help, since we all help each other. It’s no more a …
When we’re new in Gamblers Anonymous, we’re novices at reaching out for friendship—or even accepting it when it’s offered. Sometimes we’re not quite sure how to do it or, indeed, whether it will actually work. Gradually, however, we become restored; we become teachable. We learn, for example, as Molière wrote, The more we love our friends, …